Communication, or rather the lack of it, is the leading cause of failed relationships.
Relationships thrive when good communication skills are practiced. Conversely, the lack of these skills can result in relationship failure.
However, it is close to impossible to practice all the good communication practices. There are just too many!
In this article, we will focus on the most critical relationship mistake we all tend to make. If we address it properly, we can clear the roadblocks to a happy life.
The information provided below is not just a commentary but is based on actual facts.
The Leading Complaints Of Men In Failed Relationships
Her Nagging Behaviour
As per the survey report, 70% of the men complain of their women’s nagging behaviour.
You would like for your partner to change his/her behaviour. But you don't want to discuss this with your partner – deep down you know that nothing is going to change anyway!
Does this situation sound similar to you?
Certain things improve when discussed constructively, but as you know, there is a BIG difference between theory and application.
The other person might not take it positively.
Only rarely it can turn the tables in your favor, leading to an improvement in relationship.
Her Lack Of Appreciation
The second leading complaint is that there is a lack of appreciation from their spouse.
Everybody LOVES compliments and appreciation, whether it is warranted or not!
In fact, not appreciating your spouse’s good qualities can harm your relationship (to the extent of divorce, even!). Therefore, it is essential to be grateful!
Let’s check out some stats from the business world to understand human behaviour.
Although this is a new angle to study failed relationships, humans do show similar attitudes and mentality even in business.
Stats From The Business World
A survey conducted by the Westminster College in the U.S. revealed that incentives could work wonders when it comes to raising the performance level.
- Incentives helped in boosting the morale of 32% of the employees.
- Appreciation and recognition of their work raised the workforce’s performance by 27%.
- Only 18% of the workforce expected higher monetary rewards.
These stats are a bit surprising, aren't they?
Recognition plays a big role (even more than monetary rewards) in boosting employees’ morale.
Let’s take another example from the call-center industry –
In the call-center industry, absenteeism is high.
Each day, 10% of employees are absent in call centers.
34% say that they are sick because they don’t feel appreciated.
Another such example from a firm in the United States -
Workers revealed that the lack of appreciation by the managers was their top complaint.
When appreciated for their work, employees’ contribution increased by 60%.
Apply the Business Tactic of Appreciation in Personal Relationship
Why don’t you use the same tactic in personal relationship?
Your appreciation of your partner’s good qualities can increase his involvement in the relationship by 60%!
Think about Your Relationship
- Are you thinking about your partner?
- You do think - but it’s only about things that you are unhappy with.
- Appreciating him is the last thing on your list-to-do.
The analogy of witches, an overused term (might be!), but one cannot resist mentioning:
“Maybe, I invited the darkness, but you can turn all the lights on.”
Be Thankful & Be Positive
Rather than confronting your partner for his negative traits, value him for his positive ones!
DON’T SUPPRESS your gratitude for his good qualities and actions.
Your appreciation will promote cordial behaviour to the extent that his negative personality traits will be overpowered, ultimately.
Does this seem too over-optimistic of an approach to encourage positivity?
Well, there is No Other Way.
Focusing your mind on the negative traits of your partner will only lead to more conflicts.
What works in the best interests of both the partners is –
Appreciating The Positive Qualities And
Not Discussing At Length The Negative Traits.
Let’s take this example from a Russian TV Show - ‘Make comic laugh.’
Two celebrity judges made calls to the participants, asking them to come for the show.
Participants, the ordinary people, were told to make the comedians laugh. Those who succeeded in making the comedians laugh, got money.
One participant, who was present only for 9 minutes on the show, was quite interesting. He said the words THANK YOU nearly 60 times.
He won the prize for the show. He was invited once again to the same show, and yet again he got the top prize. Although saying ‘Thank You’ 60 times was a bit too much, it really worked in his favour.
Apparently, people LOVE those who make them feel good about themselves.
The same thing happens in real life too!
Thankfulness and appreciation result in others feeling good. In return, you get love and positive vibes!
In the words of Gary W. Goldstein,
- People want appreciation and recognition; this is especially true in the case of men.
- Rather than confronting your spouse for his negative traits, appreciate him for his positive ones. Let them flourish and overpower the negative ones.
- Don’t wait for your partner to start appreciating your efforts, take the lead and appreciate him first.
Follow Mahatma Gandhi’s words: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
If you were making communication mistakes in the past (so do everyone else), don’t get disheartened. Seek inspiration from Brian Tracy’s remark:
“Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life.”
P.S. How do people react when you express your gratitude? Please do tell us your experience in comments below.