Patricia Neal, the Hollywood star of the 50’s, had said that a strong positive mental attitude is responsible for creating more miracles and wonders than any drug ever will.
The early years of our lives, for both men & women, greatly impact our behavior as well as our attitude towards any future relationship.
Our Childhood Affects Our Attitude
You are more likely to react violently to future conflicts if you had suffered violence & aggression in your childhood. While, a relatively peaceful environment growing up would help you deal with conflicts calmly.
It’s Okay to Have Problems
Problems are a healthy part of any relationship since no relationship can ever be perfect. It is how a couple wades through the conflict that determines whether or not they are fit to be with each other.
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When it is a matter of solving conflicts no matter how big or small, positive reinforcement plays a major role.
Positive Reinforcement and Spouses
You can always reciprocate a positive and desirable behavior from your spouse with either a reward or verbal encouragement. Thereby encouraging more of such behavior from him/her.
We are not very different from animals in that way. To understand this better, we must look at babies.
When we are teaching our young ones a new trait, we encourage them when they do things right and gently discourage when they do something wrong.
This instills a sense of right and wrong in their minds. The same must be done in relationships.
Suppose your significant other defends your honor in a bar in front of a drunken fool. That is a normal positive behavior in a relationship.
You could reinforce this behavior by taking home flowers to surprise your significant other to show how much they mean to you. This will then open gates to more positive behavior on their part and yours too.
Honesty Is the Best Policy
Another thing that makes or breaks a relationship is honesty. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you tell your wife that she looks fat in a dress. Rather, you can call her out when she does something that hurts your feelings.
When a couple holds in their feelings and internalizes them, they become distant and the relationship eventually falls apart. This applies to negative as well as positive feelings for your significant other.
If you feel that something your significant other has done has really pleased you, BE VERBAL about it and let them know that you appreciate them.
It is honest and positive reinforcement that sets the foundation of any good relationship.
Your relationship with your spouse doesn’t necessarily have to be perfect but what it does need is to be good for you.
If it works for you both, then it is perfect for you even if it is not perfect, by someone else’s definition.